I stare up to the stone ceiling – a rarity in the estate since it’s mostly still an Edo era aesthetic – my mind whirling from the mix of emotions inside of me. Longing briefly fulfilled at seeing Sandra again, and while obviously still not whole going by the quest progress, she was just as bubbly, chaotic, and thoughtful as I remember her being most of the time, especially when we were younger. It gives me some reassurance to know that even with so much of her stripped away, torn and limping from her psyche, at her core she is still the same beautiful person that I think back on fondly and with an ever growing feeling of love and connection.
That same fulfillment turning to ash as I blink and find that I am still laid on the bed, covers wrapped around my arms and legs in varying self-created knots while I dreamt. The last words on her lips haunting and reassuring all in the same breath, the pure absolute desire to slink back to my room and grab those sleeping pills. Or force my connection to the system to buy some variant of them there and then say to hell with it. Bring her back even if she would be upset with me for shutting off the world and only working toward that end.
I lie to myself saying I could take it. I could suffer her disappointed face as we build her back up, could abandon the growing connections with the girls, Ios, and Akiko… A pang of hurt flashes through me harshly, my warring mind battering itself as my vision becomes watery, torn between the two options even though I know at the end of the day which one I’ll be taking. Even though it kills me inside to admit it, I could never betray Sandra like that. Not after she told me exactly how she feels about things. No matter how much the indignant cry of my soul calls out for it.
Ironically, in setting me free from one heavy weight of duty and obligation, Sandra has hoisted another one on my shoulders. One that causes me a different kind of suffering, much more personal but no less sharp and jagged as I let the tears slip down my cheeks in earnest, their wet trails marking their way down my still, sad face. Without a clock in this room, it’s hard to gauge exactly how long I just lay in my woes, but eventually Ios does pop in and make herself known.
‘Hey, honey. I won’t ask how you’re feeling, but do you want to talk about anything? Akiko’s probably going to be gone for a little while yet. I took the drone around and asked Gerra about the goings on for the day, apparently the conflict outside has mostly been sorted but still needs our resident bad ass bitch to show up here and there.’ Her voice is compassionate and gentle, likely knowing just how in the weeds I am emotionally.
I sigh, rubbing my eyes a few times after untangling myself from my blanket bondage before weakly saying out into the room, the only audience some questionably shaped sex toys and the resident eldritch lover in my head. “I had a dream, another dream really, with Sandra. She was… Ios she was so much better.” I say as the tears spill forth again, my voice cracking as I raise my arm up to cover my eyes. “We talked and joked and hugged, all the while I felt nothing but like I was right where I was meant to be again. Just feeling her warmth, hearing her laugh, or listening to how comforting she always is. It was perfect, while it lasted…”
Ios stays quiet, letting me ramble on and sniffle for a few moments before taking the lull of my depressed state to interject, ‘I’m so happy to hear that you got to see her again sweetheart. I know how bittersweet that must feel, to have her so close yet so far away still. I know this probably doesn’t help how you’re feeling right now, but to see how complete she is even with her still so damaged is a really good sign! Her recovery may be a bit easier than any of us were expecting, but we’ll have to take things slow just to be on the safe side still.’
I nod and grimace all at the same time, my voice choking as I tell her what’s destroying me, “Y-yeah, maybe. But the last thing she said to me, other than that she loves me, was that I shouldn’t hyper focus on bringing her back. To keep learning and living my life while she heals piece by piece. And I know we’ve all said that was the plan regardless, and one that I even agree with! But seeing her again? Having those little moments that I want so many more of, so desperately? It’s killing me right now Ios.”
Both hands come to my face as I turn on the bed, my long crimson hair shuffling behind me as I curl up, hiccupping a few times before my voice barely comes out in a whisper. “I feel like I’m going to hate myself no matter which path I take right now. Like I’ll never let myself live it down for choosing one or the other, healing her or staying in the present. And it breaks me to know that I already know which one I’ll end up choosing.”
I stay there for a who knows how long, soft subdued sobs echoing off the gray worked stone around the room as I just let the rollercoaster of emotions ride. I hear Ios call to me a few times, but despite her best efforts she can’t pull me from the growing bead of despair I find myself in. I’m finally broken by the self-flagellating circle of thoughts by the double doors leading into the room opening, a familiar matronly voice sounding out just on the inside of its ornately carved woodwork. “Amelia? Spirit Ios told Gerra to inform me you may need some comfort. Is everything well?”
I sit up, the last remaining blankets slipping off me as I turn to face the dazzling kitsune, her eyes going slightly wide at my disheveled state. “Oh, my poor dear, what is the matter?” She moves in hurried but still noticeable steps toward the massive bed – seriously, this thing could fill up a living room for crying out loud – before she moves and sits next to me, her arms waving over my shoulders that pulls my head to her chest as her tails come around to press their fur against my skin.
Stifling another gurgle of emotion, I wrap my own arms around her waist, pressing my head into her cool and comfortable skin as I say, “I had a d-dream with Sandra again, like I was trying to do after… Oh, right. *Sniff* You need to be caught up on some stuff that happened while you were away…” I spend the next little while catching her back up to speed, even going over how Ios and I finally joined together in the soul space without becoming too detailed about the specifics for modesty’s sake. At the end, we circle back to the reason for my miserable state.
“So, after Ios finally had her fill and let me rest, I dreamt with Sandra again. It was beyond words how amazing it was to finally see her again, Aki, and now I’m tormenting myself because of what was said at the end of that dream. She wants me to keep going, keep learning and living. I told Ios the same thing I’ll say now, I know we all agreed that that was the path I should take, but now it just feels so… so… cruel to Sandra. After seeing her so vibrant and alive again, and then being ripped apart from her for a second time because she still isn’t here? It’s torture. Honestly, I’d take a life full of the scary movie shit she was doing at the start than this feeling of being torn any day of the week…”
Akiko gives a curious chuff, apparently not certain what I mean by the dreams beginning since I didn’t really go into depth with it for either her or Ios. I sigh as I lean back, rubbing my face again with my hands as I say, “Don’t worry about it, just trust me when I say you’d have to see it to believe it. Sandra was always such a horror junkie, I never understood that…”
“Do you not have that dream skill that you and spirit Ios procured after the last time a dream slipped your mind? I believe it was discussed that bonded entities could view the memories there, so I could in theory see what you are failing to describe so cutely~.” Akiko replies off handedly, my mind instantly snapping back to the changed title on my status screen as I gasp softly.
Wait, if Akiko and I are also now Interconnected Souls… what does that even mean? For Sandra and I? It all happened so fast when the title changed, we got so wrapped up in each other afterwards and then I dived straight into the soul space – in avoidance it seems – that the weight of it didn’t really hit me until now, after having seen and talked to Sandy again. Does that mean that what we… everything special about our connection was just a lie? Or at least a gross overexaggeration on Ios and Ilya’s part?
I don’t even realize I’m hyperventilating and shaking until I’m resting in Akiko’s lap, her body leaned back so that she can study me with a worried face, sweat dripping off my brow as I feel the strain of my eyes being set too wide for too long. A knock at the door makes her turn her head, simply shaking it a couple times before I hear the faint sound of Ios’ drone hover into the room and the heavy wooden barriers shut softly once more. With a gulp of air that still burns my lungs, hands clinched down on the covers of the mattress, I see Ios’ projected form hover beside Akiko’s with an equally concerned and worried look.
In the midst of my first panic attack since the heart demon trial, I can hazily hear the two of them discussing between themselves. “Shit…” Ios begins, “I thought she had processed this already, but I should have been more attentive and actually pressed her on it. It was weird how she was so okay with the title change… maybe she just didn’t realize the full implications of it until now? Or subconsciously she knew so that’s why she got so focused on… No, that’s not fair to either her or Sandra, she obviously would be chomping at the bit to get back to healing her sister regardless of anything else. *Sigh* It really does just seem like an issue of timing and intensity…”
“I fear I may not have aided matters in that regard.” Akiko says back as she pets my hair softly with a remorseful frown, her grounding touches starting to ease me back from the brink, “We became so lost in passion once the connection was formed between us that she likely did not have time to fully understand the change, as you suggest. Couple that with the fact that she is still mentally exhausted from the tribulation, the aftershocks of the Empress’ announcement and the local reaction to it, as well as my less than reasonable behavior leading up to the admission of vulnerability and I would not be surprised if she also did as you say and sought to focus on the more important matter of recovering Sandra…”
She huffs as she turns her head towards Ios, my heartbeat slowly climbing back down from its elevated beating as I feel myself getting more and more grounded as the attack lessens. “I sound like a broken instrument, only able to play a single note. Always the same excuse or fault, not being able to understand Amelia and her fears, wants, and desires at the most crucial of times… I am beyond overjoyed to have such a deep and bonding connection to this precious woman who I love dearly, more so than I have ever felt in centuries despite our short time together, however I cannot help but think I am not worthy of it at this moment.”
My heart shatters as I feel a foreign emotion dance through to me for the first time since Sandra went to sleep, a pure blue ping of sadness and guilt not my own and not hers either. Alien, yet when Akiko turns back to look at me I know its owner. The feeling of betrayal I feel, at myself for letting down not only Sandra, but now Akiko too. At the system for even doing this to us. At the cruel twist of fate unseen that constantly decides to put me in the dirt. All those feelings and more pulse out of me as I close my eyes and whimper, the painful stab of doubt and self-loathing dropping leaden balls to my stomach.
I don’t see the grimace on Akiko’s face, or Ios’, at my internal outburst. The mental dams fully being breached and falling helplessly aside the stride of the torrent of negative thoughts and emotions. But I do feel her hand come to rest on my cheek. Her thumb slowly and gently rubbing small circles that catch the shed tears and wipe them away. Her tails coming down to rest on top of me like a fuzzy, warm blanket as I wallow beneath her. The only thing breaking the silence is Akiko’s soft purring in-between gentle hums of subdued tunes as she rocks me in her lap like a child.
I open my eyes again sometime later, my mind still foggy like I have just woken up after a yearlong coma, but I don’t remember falling asleep. The last thought I have is of me turning into Akiko’s stomach as I cried, heartbroken and confused and then now. I feel a pressure to my side, the weighty familiarity borne from several shared nights telling me that Akiko is right next to me, holding me gently as we lay prone on the bed. I turn toward her, seeing her give me a soft, empathetic smile as her violet eyes still hold a mixture of worry and fear behind them, her tails covering both our naked bodies, legs interlocked.
“Good morning, my love.” Akiko coos out softly, like the environment is fragile to her words alone, “How are you feeling?” I begin to respond on impulse, this conversation also familiar and having occurred several times already. Especially after a particularly ravenous night together. But my usual response is cut short as I see her smile fade unbiddenly, a reminder of how linked we are now since it occurs right when I start having those negative thoughts and emotions from the last time I was conscious.
I sigh as I turn on the bed and give her a hug, my head resting in the crook of her neck as I answer truthfully, “I’m scared, Akiko. I feel like I’ve betrayed Sandra in the truest, highest way possible. And I know that it isn’t either of our faults, and I never, not for one second, blame any of this on you. I love you so much, and I was so happy when you opened up and shared such a traumatic experience with me. Fuck, to a certain extent I don’t even blame the system, because I truly did feel so connected to you then. I just feel so lost now, and I’m scared about what it means for Sandra and I…”
“I promise you, Amelia,” Akiko says as she rests her head on mine, “I will never come between or replace what you feel for your sister. I would never do that to you or her, and do not ever call into doubt the connection the two of you share. Why don’t we bring spirit Ios into the conversation and start working through this, together. Perhaps it is not quite as straightforward as it seems, and we are both making fools of ourselves without having the knowledge to make proper, informed thoughts or decisions on the matter?”
I nod against her skin, the ruffle of our hair rustling in my ear as I feel her pick me up and set me in her lap, facing forward as she leans me against her chest and covers us with her tails. Ios takes the opportunity to flit her drone up, projecting herself sitting in reserved clothing, which I greatly appreciate. The last thing I want to do is think about sex or feel horny right now. That’s growth, right?
“Good morning girls. Well, I’ll cut straight to the chase, here is the new title’s wording as well as the Main Quest’s adjustment:” Ios says back in her own subdued tone and fake smile, the usual cheer in her voice forced and heartbreaking all in the same moment before a wall of text appears in front of us.
[Intertwined Souls]: You are one of the few beings in all existence that has the ability to have multiple connected souls, their meaning transcending the definition of the word soulmate as is written. When you bond emotionally, physically, and harmoniously with a person’s soul to which you both feel a deep sense of love, balance, and connection for each other, you will automatically form an intertwined bridge with that person’s soul.
While on the same plane of existence, you and your Intertwined Souls can communicate telepathically, share emotions, know each other’s health, and always know the other souls’ location. If you are separated by planes, emotions and health can still be carried across the bond. Additionally, you can share Qi and knowledge with your Intertwined Souls, at only a slightly reduced rate as they would have gained it normally. If any of your Intertwined Souls were to perish and you yet live, madness would consume you to hunt your mates’ killers to the ends of existence. These effects only apply toward you and your Intertwined Souls, not between them toward each other.
Any system related effects will only occur between those who have system access.
So Begins the Conclave, Let All Who Oppose it Stand Rot.
[Multiple Perfectly Mirrored Souls]: You and those you have bonded to have broken the reality that is the norm. Convention says that only two entities can be bound so tightly, woven so intricately that they can ever achieve the state of being essentially the same individual. You and your Mirrored Souls defy such thinking, each of you representing wholes of the other in their own unique yet still connected way. Each Mirrored Soul becomes a reflection of you and you of it while all maintain their individuality and separate existences, while also receiving incredible boons and weaknesses from such a profound and interconnected bond.
You and your Perfectly Mirrored Souls can communicate telepathically, share emotions, know each other’s health, and perfectly sense each other’s location across time and space regardless of planes of reality. Additionally, you can share Qi freely between the bond, and knowledge of techniques, abilities, skills, and crafting professions with each other to the Mastery level for weapons or the Master level for crafting professions. This transfer of knowledge is now automatic and does not require the giver to actively focus on the transfer and will be comprehended at a minimally reduced rate to normal learning.
If any Perfectly Mirrored Souls were to perish, the slain soul will instantly return to the soul scape of the nearest remaining mate via the connection. The surviving souls will be subsumed into madness and will instantly know the location and entity or organization that caused the fatality while receiving a 1500% increase to all stats, including Charisma and Luck, as well as Health and Stamina pools and recovery rates until that entity or organization and any followers of them have been completely destroyed. Additionally, the surviving souls will increase their Qi accumulation and experience gain percentage by the same amount until retribution has been delivered, and a special quest will be created to empower the agents of death on their warpath.
Once the offender and all of their followers have been righteously smited from reality and removed from the reincarnation cycle, the surviving souls will lose the percentage increase to stats, Qi accumulation, and experience gain, lose the ability to feel any positive emotions, will be unable to focus on any task that is not aiding the resurrection of the soul, and will not receive any further system or admin quests until the Perfectly Mirrored Soul that was slain is revived. If the wounded soul is too damaged to be repaired, you all will pass into the River to be reborn after an indeterminate amount of time after revenge is complete.
Any system related effects will only occur between those who have system access.
Woven Hearts Beating as One, Eternity Locked Between the Rhythm.
Akiko and I read through the frankly ridiculous number of words for the two titles, I’m honestly convinced Ilya is just the biggest book nerd in existence by this point. I hear Akiko hum as her tails thump against me periodically, twitching in thought just like their master before she says, “While this is all incredible, and its implications profound, what does this mean for Amelia and Sandra? Am I not suddenly intruding on their connection like this? And it implies that Amelia will have similar occurrences if she pursues Gerra, Jun Li, or Samantha… What a monstrously troubling thing that has been foisted upon you, my love…”
I feel my heart swell with gratitude and love hearing her speak out my biggest worries like that, my hands reaching out to stroke an errant tail in appreciation as I lean back into her with a small smile on my face. Ios dismisses the text and reappears before us again before replying, “No, no one is going to come between or lessen the bond that Aims and Sandy have. Even though you two are now connected, that bridge doesn’t extend from you to Sandra, Akiko. In essence, what has happened is Aims has become able to create new connections that purely exist from herself to the recipient, which is just pure insanity. Also, I can’t actually show it like the other two titles, but there are more that are locked behind the last one, implying that while each of you may be at the same level – so to speak – until Sandra is revived, that will quickly change.
For now I can say this with certainty. Just because the title is shared does not mean the depth of the connection is. Aims, you have spent your entire life with Sandra, moments and memories shared and fostered back on Earth. While newly holding the same slot in the system as Sandra, you and Akiko have barely known each other over a month and a half, and a good chunk of that time was you being asleep. You are going to experience this new connection vastly differently than what you have experienced with Sandra before she went to sleep, and the two of you will be building that bond instead of having it locked and loaded like you had with Sandra when you got here.”
Akiko rubs my head absentmindedly, pressing my face against her chest as we both sit there and contemplate the path forward now. What this drastic change means not just for myself, but for Sandra, her, and the others as well. I feel the paralyzing grip of the fear of the unknown still threatening to reach out to me, only being kept at bay by the gentle ministrations of Akiko and the softly boring eyes of Ios as we all sit there in our thoughts. Eventually, I finally give a sigh and turn back to my otherworldly companion, “We’re having a serious talk with Ilya the moment she comes back online, Ios. This still feels like I’m taking away from the bond Sandy and I had, all without my consent or input.”
I turn back up to Akiko before I continue, “Don’t get me wrong, Aki. I love you, without question, and I’m also so happy that we have something special together now too. But I know even you can feel how odd this is.”
Akiko just gives me a nod, leaning down to kiss my forehead softly before she answers back, “I love you too, my dear. And I am just as worried and confused for you as well. I promise we will navigate this together, and again, that no one shall ever supersede your love for Sandra or hers for you. But if spirit Ios is correct, then there seems to be more facets of this puzzle that we have yet to explore or comprehend, ones that seem to be only gleaned in time. We will face them all together, Amelia, and come out the other side of the storm better for it.”
Her conviction settles into me not just from her words, but deep in my core as I feel the certainty and care bleed into our fresh bond. It feels weak and hazy, like trying to make out shapes through a static filled screen, but its there. I give her a small kiss on the cheek, deciding that she is right. Only time will tell how far reaching this dynamic change is going to impact all of us now.
