Ios blinks back to me as I lay cuddled up in Akiko’s embrace, her slightly shocked face at the suddenness at my serious declaration evident. “W-Well,” Her chirpy voice eeks out shyly, “for everything that I would need in the body to keep up with everyone, physically I mean, we’re still lacking about… 15,000 points give or take.” She must notice my eyes go wide, because she tries to laugh a bit awkwardly to diffuse the tension.
Sadly, it doesn’t work as I sputter out my response, “You’re going to need 25k points for your body?! Jesus, Ios, is it made out of pure gold or something?!”
Ios just shrugs while she smiles, still naked as can be, as she replies, “Well, closer to 30,000 honey. That amazing show you two just put on netted you quite the bounty from the sex quest~.” I blush a bit as she chuckles and carries on, “But yes, there are a lot of features that I’ll need, especially when it comes to the quantum processor that’ll be that bodies brain and mental storage stuff, not to mention all of the physical enhancements that’ll need to come with it so I can help you guys properly. You haven’t really had to mess with some of that advanced tech in the shop catalog, and I’d advise you not to if you don’t want to make the sky angry, but it gets pretty wacky.
On top of that, there’ll be the issue of if I even can cultivate. Some objects and created items or treasures can certainly gain power, but it is exceedingly rare for something technically inanimate to be able to choose a path, or multiple like we are doing for you, to cultivate. Ilya and I may be able to get around that since we have souls and are merely inhabiting the item, but it’s still a bit iffy if that’ll pass or not.” She ends with another raise of her shoulders, already seeming like the outcome has been decided.
I look up to Akiko, who has been taking this all in stride after she recovered from seeing Ios’ naked form for the first time. She glances down and sees my worried face, one of her hands coming up to stroke my head as she says softly, “I am afraid spirit Ios is correct, my dear. Treasures, items, and the like can most certainly grow more powerful the more Qi they are surrounded by and can absorb, but for an object to actively practice cultivation? That has not been heard of on Mara or any reports from outside our world.” I frown harder as I lean back into her embrace, my mind whirling at the sudden complications of that.
If Ios can’t grow with us in strength or power, what will happen in the future? Sure, if we’re spending nearly 30k on some bad ass body, she can probably keep up for a time. Likely even be stronger than anything on Mara going by how powerful some of the stuff we’ve already looked at before was cost wise. I turn back to my soul bonded tag along with a bit of worry as I ask, “So what are we going to do then? Just save up points to periodically upgrade Ilya and you as Sandra and I advance?”
Ios seems to ponder that for a few moments, lowering her finger to her chin as she looks up toward the ceiling making her frazzled curls fall off her shoulders before she responds, “That could work, I suppose. But the costs for making something that can safely take on beings that are in the mid 6th Realms or higher would be astronomical. You and Sandy would have to do nothing but kill monsters or cultivators, have rampant orgies, and do any and all quests just to stay point positive, or close to it. And even then, once you hit 7th Realm levels, it would just be untenable.”
I’m once again glad that Panic is out of the picture, because the growingly certain thought that there will come a time that Ios will have to leave her physical self behind simply because we’re outpacing her is making me quite the mess inside.
Ios gives me a gentle, caring look as she reappears – with her pj’s back on now – next to Akiko and I, speaking calmly as she says, “Amelia, it’s okay sweetheart. I can feel how uncomfortable this conversation is for you, and it really does warm my heart to know that you care so much for me, but there is another work around in case we find out that Ilya and I can’t cultivate. Due to how linked you and I are, and the way in which we are linked, it’s possible for me to imitate your ability scores and store-bought techniques, to a degree. It won’t be a 1:1, but if we wait until we get those points for what I’m wanting, I’ll be able to have about 75% of your stats and be able to use any unattributed skill you buy. Same for Ilya with Sandy, when we get to that point. Don’t worry, honey, I got it all figured out~.”
My eyes instantly light up as relief floods through me, mixed in with some awe at the whole notion. “T-that would be insane Ios! The skill sharing thing is already ludicrous, but having my stats behind you – even nerfed like that – would be incredible!” Since I still can’t hug her, and probably won’t be able to for a little while yet, I turn and hug Akiko in a brief bout of joy while I smile to Ios.
Akiko chuckles, at my cuteness no doubt, before she raises a serious question, “While having a sizeable fraction of Amelia’s ability scores would most certainly make you quite powerful, spirit Ios, I am still concerned about the possibility of neither you or spirit Ilya being able to manipulate Qi. If you cannot cultivate, then you would be susceptible to others who can, as a person’s natural defenses against Qi pressure increase as they grow stronger. If only we could somehow figure out a way to ease that issue…”
Ios hums in agreement, nodding her head as she says back, “That is an issue, especially for the later Realms. The material and inner bits and bobs should make most mortal cultivators useless against me when paired with Aims’ stats, but once we leave Mara that may no longer be the case. You never know when you’re going to run into some space beasty, a haughty ancestor, or even just a powerful rouge cultivator that is having a bad day. Like you said though foxy, until I get physical there isn’t really a way to know if I can start cultivating or not.”
The frown returns on my face as I try to puzzle out any solution to the issue at hand, growing more and more desperate for Ios’ sake as well as my own. She’s already said quite a few times how much she wants to be in a body again, and I can’t deny that at the very least she deserves all the hugs – and the payback for her trolling – from me. We all fall into a contemplative silence, the seconds ticking by loudly on the grandfather clock next to the table while we stew in our thoughts. There has to be a way to offset such a huge disadvantage… with all of this fancy magic shit these guys can do in blacksmithing, alchemy, inscrip-… Wait…
“What if we inscribed the body too?” I say out slowly, raising my eyes to look between both of my mentors now lovers.
Ios’ grin starts to widen as Akiko seems to have a lightbulb go off in her head, the slowly building momentum dashing away the lingering tension as Akiko slowly says, “I see… That may work, my dear! If you were to inscribe the form that spirit Ios is to inhabit, then you could set up arrays and runes that permanently gather and store Qi, with clauses to be used in this case or that. Given how proficient you are becoming at the craft, the limits will surely be boundless for what you can make by the time we procure her body!”
Ios giggles to the side as she beams to me happily, “There’s my smart girl~! Well, I’m not opposed to a few tattoos hehe~! Okay then, looks like we have another objective for you to reach, honey~! Speaking of which, I think you two horn dogs got a bit ahead of yourselves, not that I can blame either of you.” She sends me a wink which again makes me blush and turn my head to the side. Which doesn’t help as I once more look at the devastation Akiko and I’s recent sexcapade left on the floor. Ios giggles once more as she continues on, “So, Aims, what did the Empress tell you about healing Sandra?”
I shake off the last lingering thoughts of embarrassment at my mess, turning back to address Ios and Akiko with my mind and body still buzzing in the afterglow, “Right, that awe inspiring and slightly terror inducing encounter… Well, for starters, she told me to listen to what you two worked out in regard to souls and stuff from the information you have here on Mara, and that it will help me understand what I need to do next. In addition to that, she heavily emphasized that I needed to advance soul cultivation as a priority, that in combination with y’all’s info will show me what to do.”
“What spooked you so bad during that meeting, hun? Just being in her presence or something?” Ios asks quietly, concern evident in her tone as her eyes set themselves in sympathy.
I nod, leaning back into Akiko’s heavenly chest as I reply, “That was a big part of it. Just being in her vicinity is like… It’s suffocating almost. When I first saw her, she was sitting on this massive golden throne, taller than anything I’ve ever seen before, her body all inky black and framed in white energy. When she spoke, even the air around us rippled and looked like it could barely hold the weight of her speech. Not to mention she was just very intense and straightforward all together which was a bit much for my confused mind at the time. But when I woke up, I felt like someone had just pulled me up from drowning, my brain struggling to comprehend what I just heard, witnessed, and felt. Honestly,” I say as glance back towards Akiko, “You really helped calm me down and settle my heart, Akiko~. I feel so much more grounded and relaxed right now~.”
I let out a soft giggle as I see her cheeks dip pink a tad, even if her smile is still huge and genuine at the praise as her tails whip up a hurricane behind her. “I am glad to hear that, my love~.” She begins, “I had smelled how off kilter you were, even after laying in my embrace after you awoke. To be sure, I most certainly let my lustful nature take the reins for most of that encounter, but knowing that I succeeded in helping you recover makes my heart sing in delight~!” She leans down to nuzzle and purr against my head, ears flicking against my hair and cheeks as she moves her face across mine. I laugh and just nuzzle her back, kissing her cheeks when I can as we threaten to devolve into a two person cuddle pile in the chair, joy blossoming in my core from her always attentive care~.
Ios, the cheeky woman, makes a couple of snapping camera sounds which startles me back to the present. I look over to see her holding a simulation of one of those cardboard camera’s parents give their kids when on vacation, the ones that only have like 10 – 15 spots for photos as she smiles mischievously. “You two are just the fucking cutest, I swear. When Jun Li finally gets in the mix, I don’t know if my ancient and unfathomably powerful heart will be able to take it~! Hehe~!”
I playfully flip her the bird to which she just does the same back to me, both of us bursting with laughter together in the room. We settle down after a bit, Ios and Akiko both looking to each other, and after Akiko waves her hand in a gesture, Ios speaks back up. “Well, as far as what we learned about souls while you were asleep, it wasn’t actually too much. But hey, if your uber powerful previous reincarnation thinks its what you need, then that can only be a good thing! So, the scrolls Akiko brought on our first couple days here, alongside what Ilya and I learned while we were scoping this place out, seems to point to the soul being a construct of sorts. What I mean is that it’s not just you. It’s everything that makes you, you.
Your memories, your beliefs, your intuitions and flaws. All of that forms some kind of interwoven lattice around the core of your soul, like an impossibly thin mesh protecting it and giving it structure. The outer shell seems to just be the attuned energy of that framework, made to further protect the soul from outside influences. With me so far, sweetie?” I nod, committing everything she says to memory like a dry sponge dipped into water. “Okay then, if you want me to repeat something, or if you don’t understand something, just let me know. Anyways, that’s what those scrolls discuss and argue, at length I’ll add. What Ilya and I found is that while that is certainly true for mortals, or anyone not following the soul cultivation path, it without a doubt gets more complicated once you start cultivating your soul.
When I talked about the different Ranks of soul cultivation a while ago, everything I said was correct, but simplified. I didn’t want to overload you anymore than we already were, especially with how much you already had to take in and then go through afterwards. But since we’re in this position now, I may as well tell you the rest. When you advance in Relam and Rank with soul cultivation, you aren’t just expanding and influencing your core, you’re building up and empowering every facet of the construct. The protective mesh becomes like a second skin when you reach the point to where your soul fills your body, imbuing your essence into your very being instead of having it separate from you. The outer shell is stripped away and blended into that skin, providing its defensive role much more powerfully than when it also was a separate thing.
This is supposition on my part, but if you’ve already reached the point where Sandra’s shell is complete and fixed, and progress still isn’t being made, then that means her mesh is also severely fucked. Going by how you described her… simpler intelligence and emotions during the heart demon trials, I’d wager she likely barely has much left of that framework anymore, or that most of it is damaged and needs direct healing. How you need to go about that, I’m sad to say that we don’t know, as I thought you’d be able to at least influence it with your Wisdom stat alone.” She gives me a sorrowful look, which matches my growing horror at just how bad things actually are for Sandra right now.
“So… During that fight? W-would she lose herself, become some hollowed out husk if she… Oh god…” Nausea and regret pile up inside me. While I’m out here having the time of my life, sexing up Akiko and hitting on Ios and the girls, Sandra is barely holding on to being who she is!! And I let her stay in that fight?! What the fuck am I even doing?! I dash out of Akiko’s lap, thankful that she doesn’t try to grab me or come after me, as I rush to the bathroom and vomit into the toilet. It’s a blessing and a curse, as the Qi infused food has already well and truly digested in me by now, so I just end up dry heaving some liquid on the first try, followed by nothing on the second, third, and fourth attempts. The fifth never comes as I lay my head across the seat of the toilet, tears streaming down my face as they carry my shame and self-loathing down my cheeks.
I choke out a small sob, debating whether or not to just lie here for the rest of the day and hate myself before a knock comes to the door, the voice of Akiko bleeding through its wooden frame. “Amelia, can I come in?” I nearly say no, suddenly afraid and ashamed by the amount of love and compassion she is surely going to show me, but eventually I just get up, wash my face and rinse my mouth at the sink, and open the door for her. Her arms fly around me like a bullet, bringing me into a crushing hug.
“What am I doing Akiko?” I choke out against her neck in a broken sob, my body shaking from the release of emotions, “I’m out here falling in love, flirting, being happy while she’s… when everything that makes her Sandra is apparently nearly gone?! Why? Why am I failing her so badly?! I should have taken the second tribulation by now! Should have just sucked it up and focused on training and not been a scared little bitch! Focused on getting the points and skills I needed and then blown through whatever Heaven threw at me! Why am I so fucking weak?!”
The river of tears streak down my face, turning the porcelain white skin of the kitsune damp as I grip her sides with my balled fists and cry. I barely feel myself being picked up and carried back over to the table, where a tearful Ios still sits as she gazes upon the two of us. God, just one day. One fucking day where I don’t breakdown and cry, where I don’t-
My thoughts are interrupted by a firm hand resting on my cheek, forcing me to look upwards to the amethyst eyes of Akiko as they pierce deep into my soul as she slightly scowls down to me. “Amelia. You are not failing anyone. You are exceeding every metric of expectation placed upon you, even if not your own now that the stakes have become apparent. Think back to the person you were just a fortnight ago, the constantly chaotic swell of a new world and culture, your wounded mind and what it had to endure and process, and the reality that you must be ready to kill now. None of that could have been accomplished as quick and correctly as you might wish for it now. You needed that time to grow and accept what now lies ahead of you, the time to banish some of your strongest demons that held you down, time to learn and discover who you are and who you were. Do you understand me?”
I hold her stern look, the serious and demanding tone in that last question making me sniffle and tear up more as I nod my head. “Good.” She says in a softer tone, “As for the idea that your love is failing Sandra, distracting you from your goal and purpose, let me ask you this: Do you regret falling in love with me? With spirit Ios?”
“Never!!” I blurt out between a shocked scream and a broken cry, dashing forward to latch onto Akiko as hard as I can. Tears are once more streaming down my face as I cry out apologetically, “I’m sorry, I didn’t… I was just so mad at myself, I didn’t mean it like that. I would never regret having you in my life, or Ios, or the girls. I just… I feel so ugly accepting it. Like I don’t deserve to have your love, or anyone’s, now that I know how bad of a state she’s in. Knowing I’ll have to tell her when she wakes up for real that I’ve been so happy, so fulfilled while she was broken and hurting, worse than I had thought…”
Akiko simply lets me rant, listening intently to my fears and worries as she holds me tight before she answers, “I am sure spirit Ios and yourself have had this discussion before, as you have told me so previously, but do you truly think your sister will slight you for seeking your own happiness while you work on her recovery? Amelia, even in her wounded state, her core knew the risks of staying and aiding you during your trial. Her love for you is so pure, so intrinsically tied to her being, that even her most primal belief was to make sure you were safe and rid of the monsters that plagued you.”
She leans me back and gives me a small kiss, breaking it to continue on, “You are a human, Amelia, not some machine or automaton driven by a singular purpose. You deserve to be happy and find comfort, to be loved and give it. Even if you had done as you said, focused solely on healing her and gathering points, you would have still run into this setback at some point. Spirit Ios and myself have both expressed our concerns about the voracity of your tribulations, and the need to be as prepared as possible so that you do not perish during the next one. You would have still hit this same barrier, even if marginally sooner, if you had shunned all advances and hidden yourself away like some crazed hermit, living in an estate with people you don’t know aside from conversations about what subject they are teaching you.
You would have never found what you have in your hands now. A growing network of people who adore and care for you, who wish you nothing but success and happiness in turn. Again, you are not a single-minded creature bound to the whims of efficiency and pursuit of a sole goal. And there is no shame in making a home for yourself amongst people who love you while you expand your knowledge and power in effort to recover Sandra.”
I let her words soak through me, trying my best to believe them as hard as I can. It works, mostly, but the final nail in the coffin comes from Ios as she quietly speaks out from our sides, “Aims, she’s right. Think about how miserable and broken down you would be mentally if you didn’t have the love of Akiko and the care from the girls. You needed to find and belong to a safe space to vent, to accept this new world, and to learn how to grow stronger. You aren’t failing Sandy by living your life while you work out how to heal her. Let this be a motivator to knuckle down and drive you, but don’t let the what if-isms break you, because I can see it in your eyes. You’re still asking yourself what if you did this thing differently, focused more on that, weren’t scared to do this.”
She shakes her head before she adds on, “That’s going to kill you honey. Faster than any weapon or disease here on Mara. You just got done fighting off two frighteningly strong heart demons, do you want to add another one into the mix so soon?”
I open my eyes in alarm, remembering everything they told me about heart demons, and realizing she’s 100% right. I take a few calm breaths, centering myself as I play out the conversation again in my head. Focusing on what Akiko told me, what Ios reinforced, searching for any sign of a lie or doubt on their words and finding none. I exhale once more as I close my eyes and let the acceptance of their words sink into me, a small, shrieking scream sounding out inside of me as soon as I do so. I startle a bit in Akiko’s arms, looking around for whatever caused that noise before she boops my nose with a finger, “Congratulations on felling yet another heart demon, my dear~. I am glad to see you recover so quickly, and I trust that you know our words to be true now?”
I breathe out heavily, a bit of sweat forming on my brow at the implications of what just happened. Damn, okay. I can’t just keep coming at this like this, like I would back on Earth. I need to accept how things work here and that my emotions and feelings have weight, especially the negative ones. I mean, I knew that already but experiencing it in real time has definitely helped me internalize it. “I do, and I’m sorry for making you doubt me. Both of you. Ios is right,” I say as I stand up out of Akiko’s lap, “I need to put my money where my mouth is and take things seriously now, too much is riding on me to do any less than that.”
I turn back and smile at both of them, determination filling me as I add on softly with a smile, “But I can’t just become some robot who’s only focus is healing Sandra, because I will lose more than just knowledge and strength, but the love and care of those around me. It’s okay for me to be both devoted to my purpose, and happy and content while I do so, and I shouldn’t punish myself for wanting that. I love you, both of you, so much~. Now,” I say as my eyes turn steely with resolve, “No more hesitation, I’m ready.”
