“Ah, there you both are.” Jack Harrington says loudly as Izzy and Jacob enter the bar. Jacob looks left and right, but there is no sign of the bodyguards. Instead, the great general is sitting at his favorite table in the center of the room. On this table are 3 glasses of whiskey.
“Today marks the end of your probationary period at the Ranch Motel,” he says with pride. “It seems like only yesterday we ate pizza and signed contracts,” he says and picks up his glass.
“What’s this about a probationary period?” Izzy, she says, sitting down with Jack. Jacob follows her lead and sits down.
“While you have been here, between the pair of you. You have slept with 8 non-humans. 1 human and 1 electronic life form. Oh, and a god.” Jack Harrington points at Mars sitting at the far side of the room looking out into the pool area. “He says it wasn’t great, but he always says that.”
Izzy does the math in her head: “Who did I sleep with? Who is an electronic lifeform? And I didn’t sleep with a human unless you count Jacob.”
Izzy turns and looks at Jacob. “Have you?” a hint of anger in her voice.
Jacob hides his face. “Scarlet may have used me in the nursery, and I am guessing the electronic is Audrey.”
“Oh…” she says, looking away from Jacob. ‘That bitch slept with my Jacob,’ she grumbles in her head.
“Can we talk about it later?” he begs her, not wanting to air their dirty laundry where everyone can see.
“So you’re giving us a raise,” Izzy says to the man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops.
He laughs a deep belly laugh. “No. Not unless you’re willing to sign up for…” He taps a finger on the table. ”Exotic Encounters.”
Jacob snorts, “She slept with a tentacle beast and got detoxed by a sentient jello. What could be more exotic?”
“Now is not the time; now is the time to finish your INDUCTION.” He looks the two over casually. “Now, if you will let me continue, what it means is I am making you full members of the Ranch with all the titles and privileges that come with it.” He pauses for a long time. “Don’t make me regret it,” he says while shaking his head.
Jack Harrington picks up his drink and holds it up “to the newest members of the Ranch.” He waits for Izzy and Jacob to pick up their glasses and clinks them together, the whiskey splashing between glasses.
The three of them drink the whiskey in one go. Izzy coughs, and Jacob’s face turns red.
“Prewar whiskey,” Jack says, laughing.
“What war was that? the civil one?” Izzy coughs again.
“no World War One” Jack sighs, “Next time we drink, you’re getting hard cider.”
Jacob wheezes, and his voice comes out parched and dry as Death Valley: “Thank you.”
Jack sets his glass down. “Normally this would be a big party, but I am afraid I am in the middle of an emergency. I really have no choice but to go,” Jack Harrington says as he stands up.
“Uh, thanks?” Izzy says, confused as always.
“If you have any questions, go see the Cat,” Jack says, gesturing to the blue-tinted person behind the bar. He nods to the Cat before heading out of the room.
“What was that about?” Izzy asks Jacob. “Also, you had sex with Scarlet?”
Jacob, still as dry as a sponge on land, says, “It’s complicated.”
Izzy has questions, and Jacob desperately needs a drink. They walk to the bartop, and Izzy sits leaning forward in her seat.
The Cat looks a little ruffled today, his perfect hair out of place, the dark pinky-purple suit he is wearing looking like it was slept in. “Hello, Izzy and Sex Slave, how may I serve full members of the ranch?” he says.
“What? We just have questions. For example, what the hell was that about, Cat?” Izzy asks.
The Cat raises an eyebrow. “It means you’re one of us now.” He pours 2 glasses of whiskey and one glass of milk.
He hands the milk to Jacob, who starts to protest, but the Cat isn’t interested.
“It means you can’t just be fired without cause. It also gives you other perks, like access to the gym,” the Cat says with a grin.
Izzy looks at Jacob. “Did you know there was a gym?”
Jacob shrugs. “Had no idea.”
“The ranch has a few more basement levels than you are aware of. When you get in the elevator, hit B2 twice,” the cat says, making the gesture of poking the button twice.
“Ok?” Izzy, she says, swirling the brown liquid.
“This whole thing is depressing. Usually there is a raucous party or, at the very least, an orgy to make fun of.” He raises his whiskey: “To Izzy and Jacob, may you have as much fun as you can with what life gives you.”
Izzy hears Grup coming over and turns to look at him when the wind is knocked out of her by Grup slapping her in the back. “High priestess of the filing cabinet, I welcome you to the full membership status at the Ranch Motel.” He laughs and walks away. “Maybe I will see you pumping iron. Both of you,” he says, waving over his shoulder.
Izzy turns back to the cat. Rubbing her chest where the edge of the bar hit her. “Tell me hanging out with gym bros isn’t all I get out of this new status. Cat, don’t hold back. Tell me, what else does the INDUCTION give me?” Izzy wheezes, her back stinging.
“Well, it lets you go to the parking lot,” the cat waves his hand in the air dismissively.
“I can do that now,” she adds, looking around to see if anyone else was going to congratulate her by giving her unneeded chest compressions.
“Haven’t you wondered where the UFOs are parked? The cat says with a grin.
“You have got to be joking. It lets me go to Area 51.” Izzy comments incredulously.
“What? No, that was only ever for testing aircraft.” The cat waves a hand dismissively. “I have no idea why people are so obsessed with it.”
“Then what?” Izzy says, sliding to the front of her stool.
“The orbital parking garage in geostationary orbit over the ranch,” the Cat says in one long breath.
The cat’s eyes wander to the other patrons in the bar while he says, “But it’s hard to consider access to a parking lot a perk even if it’s in space. It’s just empty.”
“No way, it’s space! Who hasn’t dreamed of going to space?” Jacob breaks into the conversation.
“Way,” the Cat retorts sardonically.
“We can go to space?” Jacob asks, practically jumping out of his seat with excitement.
The Cat smirks.
