Jack Harrington stands at the reserve diplomatic airlock as a female-appearing lizard person opens the door to the sound of a soft hiss of hydraulics. She steps onto the promenade of the parking lot. “Well, Jack Harrington?” she says, her voice sounding like a box of rocks shaken at just the right angle to make the noises needed for English.
“Well, what, madam, of the highest stone?” Jack Harrington says. Attempting to ignore the fact the 8-ft-tall lizard person woman is completely naked. He makes sure to not let his eyes wander across her body.
“Where is the child?” She gravels and eyes Izzy up from the floor to the tips of her hair. “They are furious.” She reaches a hand out to touch Izzy; her snakelike tongue flicks out as she does.
Izzy flinches, but the touch is soft and nonthreatening, like the lizard person was checking to see if she was a hologram.
The madam of the highest stone makes a strange deep buzzing noise that Izzy realizes is some sort of laugh.
Jack quickly moves the lizard person’s hand away from his fellow human. “Izzy is not on the menu,” he says with a laugh. “I have pizza being made as we speak. Hawaiian, your favorite.”
“Pity she looks delicious,” the Madam rumbles, “but pizza will do.”
Izzy sighs gratefully. ‘What am I doing here? Was she really thinking about eating me? Would he put me in danger? Why is she naked!?’
“Enough teasing; let’s get to business,” Jack says.
The madam waves a hand in front of Jack’s face. “Like my colleague yelled at you yesterday, where is the child?”
“He is somewhere in the ranch safe and sound; we just don’t know where. We are working on it,” Jack Harrington says as he moves the three of them to a table prepared in front of the glass window of the promenade.
Izzy smiles at the smell of food; she hadn’t realized how hungry she was. There are glasses of lemonade and a steaming hot pineapple pizza. They sit, and Jack Harrington digs into the pizza, finishing a slice quickly before taking small sips of the lemonade.
“I, uh, am sorry to hear about the disappearance of the child,” Izzy says, picking up a slice of pizza. The aroma of mozzarella and pepperoni as well as pineapple. She drools a little.
The lady of the highest stone waves two hands in front of her. “The child should be able to fend for itself; it is, after all, a week old.” She picks up a slice of pizza and throws it into her mouth. She grinds it up and swallows. “This is just as good as the last time I was here, Harrington.”
“Last time you were here we were both junior members of our respective militaries. Trying to negotiate peace,” he chuckles, putting the second slice of pizza down half-finished; it had grown cold. “This time it seems we get a chance to stop the war before it starts.”
Izzy eats more of the Harrington special; she eyes the man suspiciously. ‘He is insane; it’s still hot enough to burn my mouth.’
“The trouble, my warm-blooded friend, is this time if the child isn’t found, we will do more than blow up a moon of Jupiter.” The madam of the highest stone says casually, as if death staring at a moon was the same scale of threat as swatting a fly.
The pizza tasted like ash in Izzy’s mouth.
“It’s always a pleasure when we meet. How come we never just get together and eat pizza when your species isn’t threatening to destroy a moon?” Jack Harrington laughs.
The madam of the highest stone looks at Jack. “Because you made it clear you were not interested.” She flicks her tongue out and hisses with it for a second.
“I am always interested in pizza, madam of the highest stone.” Jack says, looking at the pizza, “unless it has grown cold. Like our relationship did.”
Izzy looks back and forth between Jack and the madam. “Am I really supposed to be here? This sounds personal.’ She nibbles on the crust of her pizza, the only part cold enough to eat yet.
“Our relationship went cold because you were busy with your bodyguards,” she says, stomping her foot. Izzy grabs onto the table, fearing the woman would put her foot through the floor, but the lower gravity means the Madam instead lifted herself out of the chair, where she fell back down gracefully and landed softly.
Jack pokes at a piece of pepperoni thoughtfully. “I realized what I wanted in life,” he mutters.
Izzy watches the lizard person. The alien finishes eating the rest of the pizza and stands up suddenly. “I will delay them as long as I can, Jack Harrington,” she says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Now go find the child, and we can eat more pizza and fuck like gurlax when the triple moons are in alignment.” She laughs like someone dropped a box of laboratory-grade glassware down an escalator.
“We will do everything we can, but the festival is the day after tomorrow; it is religiously significant,” Jack says.
“I may be able to hold them off till after, but you know I can’t stop them forever; your delay tactics won’t help for long.” She leans close to Jack, her voice like gravel. “Unless you want to have copulation one more time for old times’ sake, you always did look cute carrying my egg child.” She grins an almost human grin except for the mix of sharp and flat teeth in all the wrong spots.
Jack Harrington makes the appearance of giving it some thought, but he knows he is too old for it. “I have to politely say no at my age? It seems like a terrible idea,” he says.
She laughs like splitting boulders. “Can’t hurt a female to ask.”
Jack stands up and holds his hand out to shake. He says, “Thank you, Madam. Until tomorrow?”
She stands “until tomorrow,” she says, shaking his hand, her large fingers dwarfing his. She lets go and walks away.
Izzy is still sitting watching Jack Harrington. “You carried an egg?” Izzy gestures like she has a watermelon hidden under her shirt; she raises an eyebrow to Jack questioningly.
Jack Harrington laughs “a few times. I was young and more flexible,” he says, going quiet. The weight of the madam’s words hung heavy in the air.
“Is she really going to blow up a moon?” Izzy asks the hard question.
“I will need you again in the morning; go have fun,” Jack Harrington says, pulling a cigar from his pocket and smelling it before putting it back. “I can’t understand why they can put a station in a geosynchronous orbit above the ranch but can’t make it so I can smoke… Trevor! Where are you, Trever? I am going out for a smoke…”
Jack walks off to his presidential suite. Izzy looks out the glass window. There are more avocado ships, more than enough to permanently feed North America’s addiction to the fruit.
Harrington Special Pizza Recipe
Crust ingredients
32 oz Greek yogurt
32 oz flour
2 oz water
Active dry yeast
Add 2 oz of warm water to a package of dry yeast, stir for 30 seconds, and let sit.
Add yeast, yogurt, and flour together and mix until a ball forms.
Set aside and let rest for 1 hour.
Lightly flour the dough and flatten it onto a large pizza pan, baking sheet, or pizza stone.
Sauce ingredients
16 oz tomato sauce
3 oz olive oil
2 cloves garlic
Fresh oregano
Fresh basil
Fresh thyme
Fresh rosemary
Onion powder
Spread the oil across the surface.
Add tomato sauce, covering the surface to the edges.
Chop garlic and herbs finely and add on top of sauce.
Add a fine sprinkling of onion powder.
Topping ingredients
6 oz ham, sliced thin
4 strips of bacon, cooked and crumbled
3 cups mozzarella cheese, shredded
1 pineapple, sliced into small pieces
Red pepper flakes
Add mozzarella cheese.
Add ham.
Add pineapple to taste.
Add bacon.
Add red pepper flakes to taste.
Cooking
Bake in oven at 450°F for 12-15 minutes until cheese is melted and crust is lightly brown.
Notes
Eat within 15 minutes or discard; no one likes cold pizza.
