The cleaner sits on his couch, the TV show loud for his sensitive ears. He twitches his antennae. He turns it up one more level and sighs; the TV is finally loud enough to drown out the sound of the life around him. The movements and the coughing the laughing the talking the chewing the showering the masterbating the noises of other life that dosnt seem to bother anyone but him. He looks around his room; cleaning supplies near the door are neatly arranged and categorized for quick access.
He leans back on the couch that doubles as his bed. The 55-inch TV is hanging on the wall across from it. He turns and glares at you. “Shh, you’re reading too loud.”
On the television the announcer is wearing a bright orange suit and talking to his singular contestant.
“Can you name three things that go broom for 6 points and a chance to enter the weekly apple club?” The guy in the outrageous suit says with a dead certain confidence that you want to join that weekly apple club, which not even the cleaner knows about.
“Cars go broom,” the brown insectoid humanoid says. “Vacuums go broom.” He rubs his chitinous exoskeleton together for comfort. “I don’t know a third thing.”
The young male contestant looks blankly at the announcer. “Cars, uh, boats, uh.”
“Boats. Yeah, boats go broom,” the insectoid says, gesturing at the screen. “Now say vacuum.”
“Uh uh uh uh,” the contestant says.
“Your time is running out,” the announcer says.
“VACUUM,” the cleaner says to the screen, and he starts to buzz in frustration.
“Sorry, you’re out of time, and with that, ladies and gentlemen, that’s all for this week’s special,” the announcer says, and the end music starts.
“And with that you lose.” The insectoid stands up and goes to the door, grabbing a broom and heading into the hallway. “I am so displeased I will go clean something even though it is not my work time.”
He pushes his broom down the hallway. Then into the elevator. He hits the B2 button twice. “Hello, welcome to the secret menu for the elevator at the Ranch Motel. If you hit this button by accident, please tell the front desk. Please state the floor you would like to go to. And as always, remember that Big Sister is watching.”
“B3 Big Sister,” the insectoid buzzes. He sweeps in a circle in the elevator as it drops down into the earth.
The insectoid uses its fine manipulators to hold its chest as the elevator comes to a stop. “Elevators don’t go broom,” he says to the doors as they open.
The cleaner pushes the broom into the hallway and enters the gym. It’s a large space as big as the bar of the ranch. There are several sets of weights, and one of them is being used by Grup. The soft rubber floor is dented by his mass, and each swing of the weight makes the rubber squeak. “So annoying, I wished to clean alone.”
Grup makes an “urrruh” noise at the cleaner. ‘The strange person is like a ghost keeping the entire facility clean by himself.’ He crunches the heavy weight and holds it.
The cleaner buzzes around the room and sweeps it clean. Grup keeps eyeing him, the buzzing starting to drive him crazy. “Cleaner? Go clean elsewhere,” he states, dropping the massive barbells. The cleaner looks over and does his favorite gesture: “Fuck you, now is time to clean gym.”
Grup drops the weight and stomps toward the cocky cleaner.
The cleaner sees this and moves toward the door. “I am done in here anyway.” He sweeps his small pile into the hallway. Then sweeps it into one of the ready vacs built into the building to be sucked away.
Grup laughs. “Yes, flee, insectile.” He moves back and picks up the weights.
The cleaner stands before the ominously large doors. On the floor in bold letters are the words “danger labyrinth.”
He presses the button on the wall next to the doors, and sirens and flashing lights strobe. He sighs bored, waiting for the doors to finish their dramatic opening.
Inside the labyrinth the walls are a hard concrete, the lighting is dim, but the cleaner buzzes along the passages with one hand on the left wall and moving quickly. He is thinking about how disappointing it was that the contestant doesn’t know that vacuums go vroom when his dry mop slaps into a wet baby diaper. He pokes it experimentally. He shrugs and opens a pocket and pulls out a garbage bag and with one hand holds the bag while he rushes down the hallways.
He bumps into a second one. His chitinous body lacks eyebrows to express with human sensibilities how to be curious or surprised. But he does have the ability to look annoyed; he throws the second baby diaper in the bag. He continues on, and in total he finds 4 baby diapers.
He looks at his dry mop and cleans up the sweepings he has collected. “That’s enough for now.” He turns around and sweeps the other half of the passage, making his way back outside.
He stands next to the big labyrinth doors as they close. “So strange, has the minotaur become incontinent?” He tosses the bag into the vacuum shoot and pulls out his phone. He texts Jack Harrington. “Diapers found in the labyrinth tell the minotaur to clean up after itself or see a doctor.”
