Not a Chapter but Afterwords

 

It’s been a while since I wrote a NaCb. Since my first fic in fact. I didn’t have much to say for Mass Effect nor Game of Thrones so I hadn’t written one. Everything went straight with them. No special anecdotes or anything.

Naruto however… There are a few things.

Let’s start with… I started the fic with the optic of working on the narration. If you had read my previous stories, I’m sure you’re well aware that I’m more of a dialogue writer than a narrator. I think I started well then… Well bad habits die hard as they say.

Contrary to Mass Effect and GoT, I struggled a lot for this one plot-wise. When I began the first draft of the first chapter  I had plenty of ideas but only a few that I wanted absolutely.

1)Riku/Rick, son of Tsunade.

2) Riku/Rick is an orphan (Again, if you read ME and GoT you may have noticed one of the underlying theme of the whole Out of Karma Series)

3) Riku/Rick is not part of the rookie 9. 

5) Not end on a ‘friendship is magic bullshit’ like the manga did while not being completely far off. Basically I didn’t want the Senju’s creed to win as I don’t totally agree with it but at the same time Uchiha’s creed was a no go. I wanted a compromise. (I think I achieved that).

4) Madara being defeated by a poke in the ass. I don’t dislike the character (although I think he’s stupid) but the way he has been dealt with in the manga felt a bit bitter. My way… well, it looked very much like early Naruto to me with the humor  and I think it would come full circle like that.

5) Small harem. Turns out, while I’m… not too bad in the writing relationship between two people. I absolutely suck at writing harem, so I wanted to practice with a smaller number of love interests.

And boy…. did that backfire. I think it’s the worst harem I’ve written so far. I’m very happy with the way I dealt with Ino. I could have done better regarding her growth when she was a young teen though.

 

Hinata is… mid? I think I let her grow more both as a kunoichi and a person without the involvement of Naruto in a satisfying way. Thanks to Ino. I’m a bit disappointed with what I did with her in the harem. It’s not a failure but it’s not a success either.

Now… Karin.

 

I know.

 

Many of you pointed it out. Heck most of you did and I agree a 100%.

Karin was very badly done.

Not her character but her… reconciliation with Riku/Rick. When Riku asks her out she’s seventeen and he is sixteen. When they started dating, two years had passed.

A lot happens in two years between them.

The problem was… the time skip period was rushed and in consequence the reconciliation too. That’s my greatest regret with the fic. Especially when Karin was supposed to be the one for Riku after Tsunade. It turned out to be Ino instead.

Some readers pointed out that Karin’s behavior and reasons made no sense. Of course it doesn’t. Since when do emotions make sense? Her reaction is real though and it’s not uncommon in real life as insane as it is and sounds.

 

Next point of the NaCb… Pedophilia?

I’ve already talked about it in the comments section. A reader talked about it and grooming. My reaction was something like….

 

“What the fuck? What the fuck are they talking about?”

 

After re-reading everything… I can see why they would think that. Riku is… 15/16 at the time. Shizune is… 29? 30? Yeah that sounds bad. 

Now in context: Riku/Rick became an adult at thirteen. My mind was stuck on the fact that in Naruto’s universe a relationship with a… May/December wasn’t uncommon. I think it’s fit.

 

Does it fit the universe? Yes.

Is it wrong? If one of them is a minor and not consenting: yes.

Now saying ‘Pedophilia’ and grooming is far fetched. Riku is neither a child nor groomed. He’s a young man.

That’s why I partially agree with the reader(s) who pointed it out. There is an age of consent for a reason though and that matters.

Still, the subject is… delicate (some would agree, some wouldn’t). That is why I will be more careful from now on regarding this. 

If a minor is involved in sex then it will be with another minor and in a consented relationship. And by ‘Minor’ I mean old teenagers.

 

Honestly, it’s difficult to show the development of teenagers falling in love and growing into that love without sexual intimacy being involved.… From now on (After the HP fic who’s almost done) I’ll try to avoid sex unless with two adults.

 

Now I’m still shaking my head in amusement about that Pedophilia bit. If you read my other fics, you’d know I’m into thick MILF for love interests usually being older than Rick. That’s one of the very few of my own traits that I gave him (Surprise! Rick is not a self-insert of me! Who’d have known?)

 

Next point is: Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura.

People pointed out I’m bashing them. Did I? I’m not sure. I knew I wanted them down. Especially Sasuke and Naruto but I didn’t want them down for good. I wanted them to grow from the beating. Perhaps my hand had been too heavy.  I promise a happy ending for Naruto and I think I delivered it. Sasuke gets one too.

 

In some measure: Same for Sakura.

 

Which brings me to the trouble I had with making Riku not overpowered. I struggled a damn lot with it. On one hand the Iryoken and the hiraishin are busted. On the other hand… Riku may be the greatest killer but he isn’t the greatest Shinobi. By the end of the fic, He’d be hard pressed to defeat Sasuke, Naruto and Karin.

 

Especially Karin. 

 

She’s a seal mistress as talented as Riku is, has three Kekkei Genkai, natural Uzumaki vitality and half of the Kyubi sealed inside of her. Kauguya aside, she’s fucking OP. Should Riku teach her Yin-Yang release… Honestly? I’m scared for him if he pisses her off. Or anyone really.

 

Now, I’ve talked about the harem but not about members that are not in it and to which I’ve struggled to decide who they were.

Shizune: was always meant to be the big sister/mentor type for Riku.

Yugao: The first real family member to Riku. I’ve really gone back and forth with her. Is she? Is she not part of the harem? In the end I decided that no. Their relationship is perfect the way it is and I’m really happy about it. Perhaps the relationship I’m the most pleased about.

 

Mei: I toyed with the idea. Nearly as much as Yugao. In the end, since I had another idea for another (short) fic with her as the main and only (yeah, you read that right) love interest, I let her go. Besides, Gai deserved something! And I think that the gorgeous Mizukage was a good fit.

 

Samui: I really like her. And not for her tits but how ‘cool’ (pun intended) she is. I tried to include her but Riku/Rick already had two blondes in his life including a very big breasted one. Furthermore, so close to the end of the story she wouldn’t have had much time for development. She’s also the main love interest in two others Naruto fic I have in mind.

 

Now… I liked writing Hiruzen.  The man made many mistakes and I wanted him to acknowledge them and accept change brought forward. He did the best he could. Sometimes it was enough, sometimes it wasn’t. Some decisions were wrong, some were right. He wasn’t evil, he wasn’t good either. I wrote it that way so Riku could appear as a successor but also a contrast.

 

I think I presented it well. Hiruzen recognized Riku’s potential. How much the two look alike but how Riku is also different in ways that may be more beneficial for the village.

In my opinion the most important scene is while Riku is acting as Hokage. Where they discussed the Senjua and Uchiha philosophy and Iwa. It’s not explicitly stated nor shown but Hiruzen reevaluates Riku greatly in that moment. For the better. At this point he knows Riku would make a fine Hokage but after the conversation he knows he might be the best to date.

Riku’s viewpoint, made from observation of past Hokage and past decisions, make Hiruzen reflect and see that Riku is right in his approach even though it goes against what Hiruzen has been taught and preached.

One of the things I tried to implement were fake Chekov’s guns. Like Mikoto Uchiha’s sharingan. It ended up serving nothing plot wise. Quite the subversion. The Slow Mow tags too. At least right until Riku used them on Madara. Same for the seal writing without ink. Riku never had the occasion to use it. And when he did Madara just broke the seals. Mito was the one who got the spotlight with it but did nothing much with it.

 

Now the two last points.

Once again I failed regarding the bad guys. I’m sure you’ve noticed but my stories are heavily focused on Riku/Rick and very little on the enemies who only have a few lines. I’m glad I did better with Madara. He wasn’t just an obstacle to destroy. He had a personality! Yay! It’s small though… but I consider it a progress.

 

Which brings me to my final point.

 

One of you, readers, pointed out that the fic was great except when the plot was stalling with Riku’s mundane life. A valid comment if the story was focused on the… well… plot.

 

The bijus? Akatsuki? The War? Madara? They’re not the plot. They’re secondary. 

 

The plot in this fic was Riku/Rick finding what he has been looking for and needed. Friends. A Family. People who cared and loved him. It’s all presented in the very last conversation he has with Tsunade.

 

Naruto (the manga) is about Naruto realizing his dream of being Hokage. My fic was about Riku achieving his own dream: Friends and family.

Since the two goals are notably different, I believed the approach needed to be different hence why Akatsuki and everything are just… not plot but plot devices.

I do thank that reader for making such a pertinent comment. And the praise. Especially the praise. Loved the praise. 

 

One last point which I nearly forgot. I listened to the complaints about the formatting. I think you have noticed that by the end of the fic I’ve done better in that regard. It’s easier to read and not just a huge wall of text. 

 

Thank you for pointing that out. Don’t hesitate to point out other flaws like this that a change would make the whole fic easier to read.

 

There. The end of the NaCb and of Out For Karma: Naruto.

 

There won’t be another Naruto fic for a while. Too busy with my DC fic (it would be better if you read the Mass Effect one before hand), my second ME fic (when Mc was raised by his father and not his mother) and finishing editing my HP fic (Which I will begin posting ‘soon’).

See you around!