Sara went home and had dinner herself. She made noodles again, but as she sat alone in her table, her mind swirled with guilt. Pleasure. Self-doubt. Self-hate.
She couldn’t finish her food. She looked at herself, in her plain faded pink dress, and remembered Edmund’s words.
“With me, you’ll be Cinderella.”
She looked around. Is this the part where she is still living with the stepmother? She shook her head. No. She wouldn’t cheat. She shouldn’t cheat. But what she did was cheating. She kissed a man so passionately, so greedily, and then asked him to touch her and please her!
Her face was red. She pinched herself. The fact that even thinking about her made her want it again made her feel like shit.
Then her friend’s words, somehow, repeated in her mind.
“My husband, I still love him, but you know, no one’s perfect for each other. We all have parts that are unmet, because our husbands just cannot fulfill single of our needs. And it’s unfair for them to try and fulfill them anyway. So, I found myself a little toyboy at the side. He’s rich too, so I go out with him once in a while, then he buys me nice clothes and nice stuff.”
She looked in the mirror.
“No one’s perfect for each other.” She thought that was what people said to convince themselves, but now, with more years of experience living with her husband, and having tasted the euphoric pleasure of Edmund’s touches and kisses, she touched her face. “-I’m not perfect, and I- I don’t have to be.”
Her mind was now filled with two forces. On one side, the force that wanted to be loyal. The force that wanted to play the perfect wife. On the other, was the one that spoke for her unmet needs. Her desires to be pleased, to be pampered, to feel good and enjoy life instead of just toiling away in Cinderella’s stepmother’s attic.
She pinched herself again. “I’m not Cinderella.” She looked at the mirror, yet she looked the part. Tired. Her faded clothes have been washed so many times, because they don’t make clothes like they used to.
It was only Thursday.
She- she already promised to work at least two months, to pay back the $5,000 loan. Her heart beat. Could she stop work? Could she even tell something like that to her husband?
It was about 9.30pm, when her phone rang again.
It was her husband. “Dear?”
It wasn’t her husband on the other side. It was an older sounding woman. “Hi. Are you James’ wife? I’m his colleague, and uh, you might want to come and get your husband. He drank too much today. I’ll send you the link and location.”
“Oh. Sure.” Sara said. She didn’t remember when her husband drank so much before, and checked the location. It wasn’t that far. So she took a cab there and got there within 10 minutes.
***
When Sara walked into the Japanese style bar, an ‘izakaya’, James was sleeping on the table. There were like seven other guys and girls there, most of them still drinking and eating.
“Hi, I’m Sara. Thanks for looking after my husband.”
The colleagues nodded. “No problem.”
One of the ladies looked at Sara, and gave her a sympathetic look. “Miss. Can I talk to you for a moment, before- you know, before you take him home.”
Sara nodded. Her heart pounded. What was happening? The two ladies walked to a quieter part of the izakaya. They had a small outer area for smokers. But no one was smoking. Not with how ridiculously expensive smoke was these days.
“I’m actually your husband’s teammate. And- your husband-“
Sara wondered whether he was cheating on her. She braced for that possibility.
“He might lose his job.”
Sara froze. “-what.”
“Yeah. He’s on a watchlist right now. He’s not going to be sacked just yet, but maybe within two to three months, if things don’t get better, he might be.”
“Is it his problem?”
The colleague thought about it, before sighed. It was a long sigh. “Partly. The company isn’t doing that well in Tori City, so they’re looking at restructuring. Your husband- well, our department is on the chopping block. He’s the worst performer in the team, well, partly because the boss doesn’t like him much. So- if you can, try to encourage your husband to work harder, and save some money. Rainy days may be coming.”
Sara looked at the female colleague. There didn’t seem to be any reason to lie. “Is- this is real?”
“Yes. There’s a warning letter in the bag.”
Sara and James’ colleagues helped carry the drunk James to the taxi. James continued to be asleep in the taxi, but Sara sat quietly, holding her husband’s work bag. There really was a warning letter, that his performance was unsatisfactory.
He never said a word of his poor performance.
Everything was okay, whenever she asked.
***
The next morning, James and Sara had breakfast before it was time to work. Sara looked at James, and asked. “That was a fun party last night. You really drank a lot.”
“Yeah. It was a party! A celebration.” James lied.
“Oh.” Sara nodded. But her heart twisted. “Is- is everything okay, dear? Will it all be alright?”
James nodded, without hesitation. “Yes. Work is fine. I should go, now.”
Sara frowned. He didn’t want to tell her. Maybe because he had that ego. As the male provider. It would crush him to admit it that he wouldn’t be able to provide. She paused,and looked at her husband.
So she did what she could.
“You’re awesome, dear. Work hard and late if you have to! I’ll be fine, okay?” Sara said, but in her heart, it was a disappointment. They were husband and wife, and here, he lied about his work performance. He couldn’t be honest with her.
James smiled awkwardly, and left for work.
Alone in her home. She could go turn up for work-
No. She had to.
If her husband would be in financial trouble, she’ll need to do her part to support the family. So, despite what happened the day before, Sara returned to the photography studio.
