Chair legs scraped as the family gathered together. Twiglett disappeared in the darkness before returning with a red jar.
Tillow stood beside Happy, fixated by the golden cleaver.
“It’ll hurt a little. I’ll try not to laugh.” The keeper girl said beside Moss. Her claws dipped into the jar, removing a gooey substance. “Trust me.” She whispered in a normal keeper voice.
Hell bells, she’s not completely mad like the rest of them.
“This Happy’s special jam, you’re going to love it.” She said loudly before spreading it across his wound. It was cool and soothing. The wound sealed together like he’d drank a HighGrade health potion.
The HowlerBear snout poked the side of his hood, snorting aggressively. “No please, no thank you for providing this banquet and shelter. Has respect and manners been banished from the dungeon? ”
“No, not at all. Thank you so much Twiglett.” Moss stammered. “I’d love to give you a hug but I can’t quite stand up.”
A paw nudged the back of his chair, moving him back and allowing his legs to swing free.
He leaned over and awkwardly hugged the keeper girl.
“Don’t make him mad.” She whispered.
“Let us begin.” Happy said, holding the blade high.
“No wait!” Moss yelled.
This time Twiglett did react, cursing softly under her breath and stepping back.
Before Happy could stab him again, Moss blurted out a lie. “It’s not a coconut. It’s a rare SwampSloth egg. Highly poisonous.”
“You brought a poisonous egg to my family’s dinner table?” The HowlerBear rose, causing the floor boards above to creak and bow.
Coins clattered through the gaps, raining down on top of them and pinging off the table.
Tillow, squealing in delight, started collecting them. She had gathered several until a paw slammed on her arm, pinning it to the table.
Happy raised his cleaver over Moss.
The keeper squirmed. He wanted to run, but there was nowhere to go. And he couldn’t leave without Po.
“It’s edible!” Moss yelled. “You just need to prepare it in boiled water.”
The HowlerBear nodded at he words as he sat back down,
Fuck! Boiling water. That’ll take a tenth of a candle, I couldn’t have thought something that takes a few shifts.
“And now the offering.” Happy stated as the cleaver fell.
Moss squealed, Twiglett giggled, Tillow screamed and Pia’s head fell off.
The goblins blood sprayed across the table as her finger was severed.
“Aga Laboomba!” Yelled the greenskin from behind her Howler mask.
“Happy took the piece of green meat and handed it to Twiglett, who shoved the end in the jam jar.
“Darling I know you’re in pain but there is no need for such racist terms.” Happy scowled his wife. “The jam please, Twiglett.”
As she handed it over, Moss noticed an oddity. One of the keeper girls’ claws wasn’t white, but the same green as the goblin.
“Who’s the offering for?” He asked.
They all turned to him.
“You and your Flow.” Happy took Moss’ arm with ease. Placing it on the table. He didn’t bother fighting it, he’d have an easier time pushing over a GreatTree.
“My Flow is fine as it is.” The keeper whimpered.
“How will you apologise if she cannot understand you?” He snapped.
“Please, I’m just a keeper. Pools didn’t make us strong like you.”
“Pools!” Happy lashed out.
Moss ducked down beneath the bear’s arm, his small body helping get under the table where he saw Tillow and Twiglett join him.
Pia wasn’t so fast.
She hit the basement wall in parts. Her innards spilled out like a pot of mouldy soup had been knocked over.
“Pools!” The HowlerBear roared again. “Where was Pools when my family needed her? This-” The jam jar shattered against the wall next. “- is all she offered. A fruit for my barren garden. Sterile and broken like me. The Core knew it when they rejected my wife for being weak. They allowed us to steal a sterile fruit to mock me. It’s nothing but a salve to smother our pain, so we can continue to suffer in this nightmare forever.”
The goblin didn’t waste the opportunity and began collecting the fallen coins, leaving a trail of green blood.
Twiglett lifted her face mask so Moss could see her mouth. She had a scoop of jam that waved in front of him. ‘Lover’sFruit.’
Holy Pools, that’s some expensive jam.
Twiglett then dipped it in goblins blood and offered it to Moss. ‘Eat it.’
He cowered as the table was slammed again.
Before Moss could hesitate further she shoved her claw in his mouth.
Monster Graft: GreenGoblin bridge (Minor)
Flow bond made. Further access to GreenGoblin records and knowledge granted.
Dungeon achievement unlocked: Hybrid breed (Rare)
You’ve successfully merged Flows with another monster race, welding together like lustful lovers in the candle light. Sounds nice, I’m sure they’ve been very good to you and deserve such special treatment.
Reward: DeathRelic
The blue coin formed in the frozen world, then immediately melted into him.
New ability unlocked: SoulBond
Used to graft the soul of a traveling being in the after life.
Before Moss got a chance to consider his new ability, a paw grabbed his leg, dragging him out to be dropped back in his seat.
Before Moss could run away, his arm was slammed on the table as the golden blade fell.
“Ahhhhh!” Moss screamed as his flesh was severed. Blood splurted out to add to the mess.
He squealed and struggled, but the mad monster held him with ease.
Happy inspected his tiny middle claw. “An offering. Bring the jam.”
Twiglett scampered out and grabbed a smear off the wall.
The goblins head popped up now, wearing a wicked smile.
“Fucking monster gonna learn how it is being a goblin.” She sneered at him.
“I’m a blood keeper. I already know.” Moss shouted back through gritted fangs.
Her grin disappeared as her and Happy shared a look.
Moss imagined he wore the same puzzled expression.
Did I just hear a goblin speak? And she understood me as well.
“I’m sorry for chasing you earlier. I was out of my mind.” The keeper gushed out, hoping to keep his hand from gaining an ugly green appendage.
I’ve got their attention without making Happy mad, I need to use this.
“It was Pool’s fault. Her lackeys sold me a cursed potion and promised me the realm. I wouldn’t never mean to be so rude and chase a goblin, such as yourself.”
Happy released Moss and sat back, head tilting as he heard his pain.
That improved Wit is beginning to show. Imagine if I already had that FairyDust.
“He had the fucking look of a goblin basher.” Tillow said, pretending to banged her head with a gold coin. “But there was maddness there before.” She put the coin over eye like it’d help her see and then leaned in. “I don’t see now.”
The keeper steadily climbed off his chair and moved around the table to the far side. Ignoring Twiglett with the jam, he started collecting the rotten remains of Pia. “A mad monster cares nothing for family and formalities.” He licked the younglings limbs and reassembled her at the table. “A mad monster wouldn’t bring apologises, gifts or your daughter back to life. Let me take her to a well.”
Twiglett was facing away from the others, so only Moss could see her face.
She giggled, but her expression was dead serious. “The Core betrays Happy’s family even now. No well can bring her back. We’ve tried.”
The HowlerBear snapped his head back and howled into the ceiling. In the confined basement it echoed off the walls and deafened the keeper. He had to grab onto something to stay up right.
“When I first met Twiglett. I forced her to revive my Pia.” Happy moaned. “But not once did the wells work for us.”
He is mad, every dweller knows you can’t force the Flow out of another monster. Otherwise Queenie would have the keepers strapped to poles and working in the middle of a battle.
The keeper girl giggled and nodded along. “I was a grub back then. Small, ugly and weak. Only when I became a beautiful Cleric girl could Pia return. Happy gave me these gifts so I could evolve.” She twirled in her dress and played with her ringlets.
What the fuck is going on?
“So… Pia is alive?” Moss asked, unsure.
“Of course silly.” Twiglett said, stroking her friend’s arm. “She’s just been in and out of the wells so much that it’s made her sensitive. Her voice is soft like a gentle breeze. Only when you truly listen, can you hear it.” She nodded slightly towards the HowlerBear who was leaning back in his chair, eyes closed and nodding along.
Happy nodded along. “I hear her all the time. She’s scolding me now.” He reached out and gently patted her head. “Of course darling, I will make amends. Such rudeness cannot go unpunished.”
He pointed back at their chairs, beckoning them to join him at the table. Moss had used the moment to see the stairs at the back of the room. A large black sheet covered it, stopping the golden light from bleeding in.
The keeper held his bleeding claw as he shuffled back around. His head was thick now. But still he noticed a spade leaning on the wall.
What an odd item for a monster. Moss thought as he looked back around the table and who sat there. What am I saying, their stitches are falling apart. They’re using the most sort after fruit in the realm to make fucking jam, and using to mix their body parts.
Pools dam them, I need that jam.
He had been planning on dipping his wound into it while he worked on the corpse, but Twiglett had gathered it all.
The red substance glistened in her claws. Moss almost asked for it, but in another monster’s lair it was considered offensive to take the last of something. And wanted to be anything but rude.
“Moss.” Happy said to him, one paw on the keeper while the other held the cleaver. “Never before has a guest brought so much to our table. Just look, look at how happy my daughter is with you here.”
The younglings head slumped awkwardly onto her shoulder, dark sludge dribbling from her ear.
“And yet.” He growled like a WindDragon forming a storm. “I have done nothing but question your integrity and insult your character. Please, accept my apology and this offering.” The blade thudded into the table – this time taking one of the bear’s claws.
“The jam.” He demanded.
